Poetry Can Be Lifewriting

April is National Poetry Month, a time when I like to tell people that poetry can be a kind of life writing. When my daughters were children, I wrote poems to document my feelings for them during their stages of growth from babies to high school graduates. Now they each have a pretty little book of hand-written poems about themselves to remember their young selves and me as their mother. My Poems That Come to Mind booklet holds very short poems, much of it haiku-type, that document my time caring for my mother and being among others with Alzheimer’s at a care home.

I see a lot of poetry out in social media, written freely for all to see. My area has a poetry center and poetry readings while the local colleges have classes on poetry writing. Maybe Amanda Gorman, the first National Youth Poet of the United States, inspired poetry writing, or at least poetry reading. I recently went to a well-attended writing presentation by Missouri’s current poet laureate, David Harrison. People do like to write poetry—are you one of them?

Most modern poetry does not rhyme, making it much easier to write. All you have to do is think about life and feel some rhythm and cadence in your wording. Make a booklet of poems about your life, or include your poems in your life writing stories or memoir. Maybe one of your poems would be a good introduction to your book, or as an ending.

In my mother’s Cherry Blossoms in Twilight memoir of growing up in Japan, she says her teacher took the class outside to nearby woods one day and told them poetry is to “find the feeling inside ourselves.”

Poetry as Memoir 2/4/2018

we sit side by side

holding hands in the soft sun

soon we fade away

dozing in warm nothingness

lost in the dove’s lamenting

– Poems That Come to Mind

Poems for Alzheimers

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Life Story of a Lost Baby

Our family suffered a tragedy when a shocking pregnancy complication resulted in a young couple losing their healthy child in its second trimester. Nothing could be done to save the baby and her days-long torment finally and mercifully ended during delivery. The parents tenderly cradled this tiny, perfect baby, their first, with heart-searing love and soul-deep grief profound to behold, marveling at her wee hands and dear little face.

The supporting grandmothers felt their own searing pain, not only of seeing the exquisite sweetness of what could not be but also of witnessing the terrible grief of their grown children. The grandmothers lived nearby and had been part of the pregnancy journey of excitement, first trimester worries, then hope, finally a tragedy made much worse by a state’s coldly rigid law and a catholic hospital’s version of “ethics.”

The young man’s mother was so affected she wrote the story of the baby’s brief life, to capture how much the baby was hoped for and loved, how bonded the parents were during the mother’s physical and emotional trauma with the father firmly beside her for days, being strong for her while holding his own deep grief. The story is a way to focus on beautiful love rather than pain.

Losing a pregnancy, even an unwanted one, is a painful story. This baby’s story lives on in all our hearts and in a ribbon-bound booklet to treasure. Butterfly babies have stories, too.

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Pregnant Women, Beware of Catholic Hospitals

A young couple in our family recently suffered a tragedy made worse by a catholic hospital’s “ethics” committee. Their pregnancy had such a serious complication that the baby, in second trimester, was doomed, and the grieving mother became incapacitated, bedridden and with no appetite due to stress and discomfort. The baby was left literally high and dry, compressed in a little prison where it could hardly move. The hospital’s rigid ethics committee insisted the two wait like that until the baby eventually died or the mother developed a deadly infection. Both were trapped in terrible situations, and for how many days to satisfy the hospital’s version of “ethics”? And would the couple be bankrupted by hospital bills for their forced extended stay? Our state’s “no exception” rule would approve of this.

The entire family was devastated, grieving and horrified. The doctors went to bat twice with the ethics committee, which refused to consider mercy and did not have the guts or courtesy to send one of their members to visit the couple to explain or show any sort of empathy. In the end, the mother was taken away from that hospital for care elsewhere.

Fortunately, the nurses and doctors in both locations were wonderfully caring. These days a purple butterfly on the door of the room identifies (and warns) there is a life-threatening complication going on, so staff know to be watchful and extra gentle with the parents. The baby died during delivery and was cradled with immense love and sadness—a profound experience to behold this perfect, very wanted child that had to die. The parents went home to recover from trauma with treasured mementos from caring groups that provide for parents who have suffered loss.

I tell this story as a warning for pregnant women to be aware of the risk of giving birth in a catholic hospital–and in a state with strict laws against care–in case of ectopic pregnancy or something else that goes terribly wrong. Even if the state allows compassionate care, a catholic hospital’s ethics committee can make their own rules. If you are imprisoned in a bad situation, do what you can to leave for care, by ambulance or otherwise. I have told this story to many, and all, including Christians, were horrified.

Jesus, speaking about pharisees: “They tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them” (Matthew 23:4).

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